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Recovery Is A Crazy Place

19 Jun

Recently I have seen a lot of forum topics and headlines discussing mental health and addiction. As someone who is labeled as “dual-diagnosed”, this topic hits close to home. Steadfast supporters sit on both sides of the fence. The group chanting “no meds” rivals the group chanting, “treat the mental illness and the addiction is cured ”. I have very little time for extremists. Both mental health and addiction are personal issues that the afflicted individual has to come to terms with. I don’t feel that taking medication for mental health issues threatens ones sobriety, if they are working a strong program. In my opinion, if you are seeing a great shrink and they understand addiction, they must promote holistic well-being. If they don’t, seek a second opinion. My doctor insists that I deal with my addiction first, working one day at a time to stay sober. The use of low doses of medication to manage the bi-polar is suggested and it has worked for me. When someone deals with mental illness combined with addiction, they must come to terms with recovery and their personal mental health.

People like to talk about balance, saying that life is all about creating a way to manage everything at the same time. I prefer the term harmony. Finding balance is stress inducing and ends up being fruitless. I view my life as sheet music. I see the elements of my life as notes and if I’m having a good day they don’t sound off key. Some days the harmony is beautiful and other days it’s dark and disturbing. Regardless of how the song of the day pans out, it always reflects the real me. I strive for harmony between my recovery, my mental health and living moment to moment. The majority of the time, it works.

I am aware of what outside influences trigger a manic. I’m a member of the “all manic all the time” club, I don’t get depressed. I may crash and burn for a few days but for the most part, my bipolar encourages my mind and body to go go go. No one likes to see me in a full- blown manic, trust me it’s not pretty. I have had rage issues since I was a toddler and when a manic occurs, all of my tact filters fly out of the window.  The exact same thing happens when I drink. You can imagine what the combination of drinking and being manic induces. Utter nightmare. I manage my sobriety and recovery on a day-by-day basis. While I don’t adhere to any specific recovery method, my program is strong and has a solid foundation. The combination allows me to maintain some type of harmony.

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The Addicted Project Gives Us Asylum

10 Jun

“redemption will be lost ~ unless I fall to my knees in surrender” ~me

This past week I have been on a mission. I have been exploring different platforms and submitting writing samples to anything that caught my eye. My motivation?  I wasn’t working an agenda or going after recognition, I was simply curious Would my writing merit positive feedback from platforms that represent or inform the addiction recovery community? The results have been eye-opening, flattering and in one case, life changing.

I stumbled upon The Addicted Project on Facebook one evening. After taking a gander at their site, I had the biggest shit eating grin on my face.  I jotted down a quick email to the founder, inquiring about the possibility of being a contributor for one edition of their journal named Asylum.

Statement Of Purpose:
“The Addicted Project works to create positive personal, social, spiritual change by harnessing the power of music, art, and literature and those who love it. We view all forms of self expression as a tool for recovery, therapy, community building, leadership development and action.

“The Addicted Project is produced by individuals in recovery for people in recovery. In other words, you are The Addicted Project.”

The name alone is brilliant. ~Asylum ~ So many elements are contained within that single word. Asylum will impact a population of individuals in a way that is utterly brilliant and with a style all it’s own. Not only did the scope of The Addicted Project exceed my initial reaction, it blew me out of the damn water with the personalities driving this project. They are crashing through the glass ceiling of what is available to the addicted and recovery communities. It’s about damn time someone stepped up to the plate.

I didn’t realize the magnitude, intensity and just sheer joy I would experience based off of an exchange of emails and phone conversations. The creator of The Addicted Project and his beautiful significant other just rock. Open, brutally truthful, no bullshit with a solid mission. That is a combination that is rarely seen anywhere, let alone in the addiction recovery industry. Yes folks, it is an industry. Quite honestly, I was shell-shocked when I was asked to hop on board. I honestly didn’t bank on being accepted. I exhaled a breath of satisfaction knowing that my unconventional, anti-establishment philosophies and eccentric nature would be understood.

While I don’t always go with the flow of societal expectations on WomanInRecovery, there are many subjects, opinions, views, musings and laments that I haven’t posted. Why? Quite frankly I wasn’t sure anyone would be interested. Oh how wrong I was & Oh how sweet the past few days have been as I put pen to paper.

There is a light and a dark side of recovery. While many prefer to live in the light, for my own sanity I return to some of the grim realities that encompassed my addiction and my recovery. This is life ladies and gentlemen, and while the scenery changes, it ain’t always pretty. Being sober does not entitle you to everything and life doesn’t owe you anything. There is no shiny prize for living life as a responsible adult. The true benefits of living in recovery are those which we work our asses off to achieve.

Light does exist when you are sober. Happiness, humor and joy are all found in recovery. However ~ there is another side. This side is all kinds of gray and black. During these moments the simple act of waking up can be a struggle and breathing is a conscious act. Without facing the dark, the ability to embrace the future will continue to allude you. There are two sides, two natures and two faces of recovery. Both play critical roles. The grittier sides of recovery and addiction are where I plan to invest some energy, it is long past due.

I have been given an amazing opportunity, a one in a million chance to explore and express elements of my past addicted life and my present recovery that have been clawing at my psyche. I have the chance to be raw and uncensored in a publication that is unlike anything anyone has ever seen.

I am beyond trilled to have been warmly welcomed and given a seat at The Addicted Project table. Words are unable to express the emotion of encountering a project that just “fits”, but I will  leave you with this sentiment. This is going to be one hell of a ride. Giddy up!

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