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Have A “Romy and Michele” Day!

31 Jan


We all have encounters with people we work with that just floor us… and not in a good way. I’m lucky that I’ve only had this happen a handful of times and I’ve come to realize that resentments will kill me… literally. My ‘cure’ is to just stop the resentment before it spins out of control… and stopping it doesn’t always  mean that I need to confront that person or ever talk to them again.

Sometimes it’s best to just say fuck it, fuck her/him/them, I’m good.. what’s next on my plate for my life… and move on. Romy was a tad more eloquent when she said:

“What the hell is your problem, Christie? Why the hell are you always such a nasty bitch? I mean, okay, so Michele and I did make up some stupid lie! We only did it because we wanted you to treat us like human beings. But you know what I realized? I don’t care if you like us, ’cause we don’t like you. You’re a bad person with an ugly heart, and we don’t give a flying fuck what you think!”

If there’s one thing I learned in my 5 sober years, it’s that the only thing I can change is myself. I also learned that co-dependence is a bitch and emotional abuse is never okay. We truly reap what we sow and our true mindset, our true intention and who we really are.. deep down… can’t be hidden from the powers that be.. our authentic self is known by the universe and what we experience is because of who we really are… not the mask we show the public.

You can’t live life with an ugly greedy heart behind the mask of a generous guru and expect life to not kick the shit out of you in the end. Trust me, the scales will not balance in your favor.


Suck It Up Buttercup!

6 Jan
Not everything that happens in your life is about you. Every joy you feel, love, laughter, happiness and bliss… Each heartache, tear, pain and horror that you witness is not about you. Those experiences, every single one of them, happen so that someday, maybe tomorrow or 20 years from now or even after you’ve left this earthly existence, someone somewhere will hear part of your story and it will… have an impact on them that is so great, so moving and so profound that it changes their life forever.
Consider that idea the next time your ego lies to you. Consider that idea the next time you scream out ‘why me?’ Or ‘life isn’t fair.’
Because in the end, your body becomes dust and we all are living on borrowed time.
Spend it wisely.

Big Girl Panties

5 Jan
The devil you know vs the devil you don’t. Life doesn’t reward us simply because we are living day to day as responsible, hard working individuals. There’s no gold star for playing by the rules. We all have to pay the piper for the sins of …our past. There is no free ride and the world owes us nothing. Suck it up, life isn’t fair and it ain’t pretty but if you can look at yourself in the mirror each morning and not be ashamed of the eyes staring back at you, then life really is pretty damn good. Our reward for doing the right thing may be the fact that we are still alive. Be grateful, stop bitching and remember, God doesn’t owe us shit, but we owe Him everything.

Life Happens ~ Wear A Helmet

6 Mar


I believe it was Ferris Bueller who said “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Granted all of life can be summed up by John Hughes quotes… but this one just kinda flew into my head this evening. See… I have the plague. Not a ‘real’ plague but I feel and almost sound like Typhoid Mary. I get hit about once a year with a cold that knocks me on my ass for about a week. I tend to avoid the whole doctor thing and let these bad boys run their course. And as always… I feel icky for one day, death for the next few and when I really think I’m going to die and a trip to antibiotic land is necessary…. I begin to feel human again. During this latest bout with the plague… I have learned a few things. They are as follows:

McDonald’s fries always taste good when I’m sick. I have no idea what the chemical is that makes fries taste like fries no matter which location… the time of day or the level of what my taste buds can actually register.

I don’t care how old you get, when you are sick you want Mom.

I get beyond grumpy and am really unfit for any human interaction. All of my ‘play nice with people’ filters just fly out the fucking window and if I’m not careful, I sound like the poster child for anger management class… that has Tourette syndrome. No lie – it is THAT bad. I can barely stand to be around myself… and for a true narcissist… that’s almost impossible.

The fourth and most important thing that I’ve realized… (which surprisingly enough wasn’t McDonald’s french fries) is that I don’t care who you are, where you came from, how much money you have or what God you believe in… when your body decides it needs a break… there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it. Eating right, exercise, proper sleep and eliminating stress are all well and good but at some point.. your body and brain need a break. For me, this happens when I get knocked on my ass for a week. And. It pisses me off.

I prefer to not do things on my own terms, I don’t like this not being able to do things because I actually can’t. I mean seriously… a cold can fuck up some perfectly well planned out procrastination. Yes… planned out procrastination… such a thing really does exist. Shocking! I have lost total control… even over my own laziness. Ain’t that a bitch.

In conclusion… I’m not complaining that I got sick… because we all get sick. But I have realized that if I want to be a kid when I’m sick… I need to be an adult the rest of the time. And when all else fails… the McDonald’s closest to me is open 24 hours a day.

WTH? Chuck E. Cheese Encourages Gambling Among Our Kids?

14 May

The source of blogging inspiration never ceases to amaze me. I’ve been visiting my Mom for the past 2 weeks and haven’t had a chance to even think about an interesting topic to write about, let alone have a few minutes to jot down my lament.

However, when I saw this headline I felt an immediate need to add my 2 cents. Here was the headline:

Lawsuit Alleges Chuck E. Cheese Promotes Kiddie Gambling, Gaming Addiction

The basis of the lawsuit can be found in the article (which is linked) but the gist was a Mother became angry and decided to sue the infamous children’s birthday Mecca because the establishment encourages gambling among the youth of America. Now I must admit, I’ve been to Chuck E. Cheese maybe twice in my life. Ironically the last incident was for a birthday party of my nephews and I had the worst hangover on the planet. I swear God was laughing at me on that morning when I had to travel 2 hours to sit in this hell for an entire afternoon, on a Saturday, for a birthday party. That would be motivation enough to never drink again. Do I feel that Chuck E. Cheese encourages gambling among the youth of the nation? Ummm, let me think? No.

I equate Chuck E. Cheese with an arcade on acid. The tokens are overpriced, the food is not of this world (tomato paste on a cracker does not equal pizza) and the children sit at the feet of a giant rat. I can see parents complaining about the frenzy children get into over getting tickets for some cheap tacky trinket, but I hardly think the experience encourages gambling. Gluttony, envy and wrath may rise to the surface, but I hardly think the children have the seed of a gambling addiction planted due to a jaunt at Chuck E. Cheese.

Personally, the rat freaks me out. Why is he a rat? Not only is he a rat that is inhabited by a human wearing a costume, but also there are mechanical Chuck E’s that automatically start by some type of motion sensor. Why??!?! Oh and if you have never been, he’s like 6 feet tall. It’s unnatural. So I believe the more important question to answer isn’t if Chuck E. Cheese is encouraging your child to gamble, but what does fueling the adoration of a six-foot rat teach our kids? And if that isn’t bad enough, all I could think of was Pleasure Island. (Click For Details: Disney’s Pinocchio Pleasure Island). I was just waiting for the kids to start sporting donkey ears and tails. Let the braaaaaying begin!

Pregnant Women, Wine & Hate Mail

17 Apr

So I have been working on a 2 part post in regards to pregnant women and alcohol consumption. Apparently my comments were so radical on a forum thread discussing this topic that hate mail ensued. The opinions of human beings never cease to amaze me. I thought it was bad enough that I was commenting on a thread regarding Kate Hudson gossip, but the response was wild! While this post is not complete, I thought I would give you a sneak peak.

Headline: “Kate Hudson Seen Drinking A Glass of Wine While 6 Months Pregnant”

Forum: A Mecca For Mom’s (that’s my title for it)

My Comment: consuming alcohol while pregnant could potentially have negative health consequences for your child

What Happened Next? A mob of angry women, clutching on to their bottles of Riesling apparently disagreed with my statement and this is what occurred….

When the hate emails began coming in, I sat with an unsure emotional response for about 20 seconds. Then, I acted in the most adult manner that I could muster.  I laughed. Not just a chuckle but one of those “laugh till you cry episodes” straining to be able to breath. I mean I have a mob of suburban housewives after my ass. That is just fun! I admit, I adore chaos, it’s my drug of choice but I honestly had no idea that making a comment about possible health ramifications to an unborn child due to the alcohol consumption of the Mother would turn out quite so interesting.

It just blew my mind that a human being would make a conscious decision to consume something that has the possibility of causing immense physical harm to their unborn child. How that turned into me taking away a woman’s right to choose is beyond me. You CHOSE to have the child, your “choice” option is complete. You have a responsibility to your child to create a healthy environment inside of you and outside when they are born. I really had no idea that this concept was “radical”.

I honestly feel that a message is being heard loud and clear when one receives hate mail. Some may find it odd that I did a happy dance due to hate mail ~ but it’s true, I did. So this piece is taking a bit more time. I am gathering those hate filled sentiments that stretch logic and common sense in a way that I’ve never seen before. Here is a sneak peek!

From: One Angry Pregnant Woman

” You have no right to tell me what to do with MY body. This is MY choice & MY right. You must be pro-life and against a woman’s right to choose!”

My Response:

“Actually I am pro-choice. I fully support a woman’s right to choose. I am anti-stupidity. There is a difference.”

From Angry Woman #2:

“Many women in Europe have been drinking while pregnant for YEARS. It’s healthy and helps the baby.”

My Response:

Well once the baby is born, you can just slip that wine into the bottle so he or she can feel as comfortable as they did in the womb.

From Angry Woman #3:

“It’s only wine, it’s not like we are drinking “real” alcohol, like hard booze or beer.”

My Response: If wine is no longer considered “real” alcohol, I am in dire need of a run to the grocery store. Was I the only kid in health class that saw the chart where 1 glass of wine = 1 bottle of beer = 1 shot?

From Angry Woman #4:

“My Doctor encouraged me to drink when I was pregnant, a few glasses of wine a week & my baby turned out perfect”

My Response:

give me an update when your child enters adolescence and there are some behavioral issues. Better yet, let me know how it works out if, God forbid, your child demonstrates additive behavior by the age of 12 or 13. Not all negative consequences of your selfish, self-indulgent behavior manifest in a physical way. Last time I checked, it was still illegal to serve alcohol to a minor. If you wouldn’t put your White Zinfandel in the bottle and hand it to your toddler what makes you think it’s healthy to mainline it to your fetus?

Angry Woman #5

“The Doctor told me to drink a few glasses of wine to help me relax so my labor wouldn’t start too early.”

My response: Apparently meditation, deep breathing or the myriad of other techniques that one could use to attempt to relax are off the table as suggestions?

I admit that I left the uncensored version of my responses in a word document.

More To Come ~because these emails do indeed keep coming in ~ it’s glorious!

Charlie Sheen Bobble Head Makes Me Break My Promise

31 Mar

I can flick him in the eye!I know I promised myself that I wasn’t going to go down the Charlie Sheen rabbit-hole of crazy shit rants. However, when I came across this image I about fell out of my chair laughing. You know you made it when you become a bobble head. What better accessory to decorate your work space to remind you that, “hey – at least I’m not as loony as Charlie”. Combine that with the fact that you can flick him in the head, well I’m just all in.

Will I purchase said object? No. The reason, I refuse to spend hard earned money on anything that may result in him earning one cent. Does this make me a hypocrite because I am a fellow addict (although I’m in recovery and happily medicated to deal with those bipolar swings)? I could honestly care less. My opinion is that Sheen is a misogynistic, not incredibly talented, unemployed, done lost his kids loser who would still be an asshole if he was sober. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

And in truth, I think it would take being extremely high or drunk to even understand most of his rantings. Although I may not have agreed with him when I was out and about using but he would have been a hell of a lot more entertaining. As it stands, I can chuckles about the bobble head and think fondly of when Sheen’s image will be painted on a black velvet canvas and proudly displayed in my single wide.

It isn’t so much that I feel he does a disservice to the field of addiction and recovery. It doesn’t bother me that he has a lot of money and sheep that mindlessly follow him and hang on every word, as if he’s the second coming. The core issue that I have with Charlie Sheen is that he models the worst aspects of human behavior, with antics that I wouldn’t let a toddler get away with, and there is no one telling him (that has the ability to do anything to alter his actions) that what he is doing is simply not acceptable. There is never an excuse for bad manners (or so my Mom taught me) and the reinforcement that he is receiving for his utter lunacy needs to end. Hence, why I initially refused to post or comment anywhere about him. However, it was a bobblehead! I couldn’t resist the temptation.

Added Note: Upon reflection I suppose it isn’t entirely fair to rant & rave and take inventory of another individual. I stand by my opinion & my prayers are with his loved one’s. It is never easy to love someone who suffers with the disease of addiction & I wish them all my very best.

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